What is summer?

I know I’ve promised posts on religious observance/belief/etc. as well as posts on my life here in Israel. I’m at home sick today (it is Saturday). And to quell my boredom, I’ve been reading the NYTimes. Today, the travel section (and dining) have an article about the Chesapeake Bay area crab shacks. While reading the article I suddenly realized why Jerusalem feels cognitively dissonant to me. This is the first place I’ve “lived” where there is no body of water within easy accessibility. I’m a water child. I must have my body of water. And for me, throughout my childhood, summer has meant water.

Days spent on the boat, fishing or cruising. Or renting canoes or kayaks for a paddle. Watching a water ski show. Fishing from the shore. Biking or walking by a river or lake. The sand and the smell of algae and seaweed are the smells of home. And the greenery that surrounds the lake is just as important. It’s there for picnics, grilling, and camping.

I have never felt the reverence that others feel for Israel. Partially, it’s because of my political bent, I don’t have the trust or love of the government. It’s a place that inspires a lot of emotions. It’s a place where the old woman with 2 packets of yogurt cons her way to the front of the grocery line and gets yelled at by the store manager. People love Israel. But people get angry with it and at it. But for me, it’s just not the environment I want to be in.** I desperately crave green–midwestern/coastal green. And it’s all stone and craggy trees in this city. There’s no water (it’s kind of deserty). And it’s really hot. And if you know me, you know I hate the heat. Heat, for me, is completely uninspiring. It’s something to retreat from, it keeps me away from exploration. Everyday since I got here, when I wake up and take a shower in the little shower in the bathroom where the floor is always wet in the mornings, I look forward to finishing my summer in Wisconsin. Where it’s cool and wet sometimes, and sometimes humid and oppressive. But where there’s really green grass and trees and there are beautiful lakes to look at and swim in.

**I’m not saying that I’m hating my time here or something of the sort**

Friday walk

Friday is a day without school. So, I decided that I should do some sort of sight-seeing, even if it wasn’t that far out of my neighborhood–the German colony–or that hardcore. So, after a lovely morning of sleeping in, I ventured forth. Typical of my personality, I search out the green spaces first. I planned to walk to Liberty Bell park which is kind of at the end of German Colony. Then I planned to cross the street and visit the park on the other side (all part of the Jerusalem garden system). This park borders Yemin Moshe, an old neighborhood just outside the old city walls. The walk would be both historic and picturesque. Friday was incredibly relaxing, and after this walk, a nap, and some more internet, I joined fellow Pardes summer students for shabbat services and dinner at school. A few pictures follow (of the walk).

more photos can be found in my flickr photo stream

What am I taking at Pardes?

I have now had two full days of classes at Pardes. We did not have class on Friday, to give us a full 2-day weekend. We have class tomorrow, on Sunday. Thus far, I am really liking my classes (even Hebrew!). I feel refreshed and more intellectually open with the mesh of both lecture/group participation and chevruta (pair) style learning.My first two classes are taught by the same teacher–who I really like and who appears to have great pedagogical prowess.

My first morning class is entitled “Esther”. It is an introductory tanakh (bible) course on the book of Esther. The teacher is very good at weaving in both excerpts from other books (of the Torah) and various midrash and rabbinic  texts. We learn in chevruta for about 1.25 hours of the 2 hour class. Thus far, in the first 2 days, we have read (in English in the bilingual tanakh) the first 24 lines of the book. I have not always agreed with some assumptions that have been made fact by my classmates throughout the class, but I definitely find it interesting. One thing I like about this class is that its a popular story that we are reading–the one read on Purim each year. But, I’ve never sat down and studied it in depth.

My second class is called Personalizing Prayer. Personalizing Prayer is a class about both spiritual growth and the service in the siddur (prayer book). Physically, this class is very large and the classroom is very small. So it is slightly unpleasant to sit in there for 2 hours without a desk. The class will be discussing obstacles to prayer, how different thinkers think about prayer, and the specific prayers in the siddur. We’ve started with Modeh Ani and moved on from there. I like this class, because I feel both ambivalent and indifferent about prayer at different times. It has been good to hear that others have the same feelings/thoughts. This class is mostly discussion thus far, although there will be chevruta. It’s just that time moves quickly with a large class.

My third class is called Law, Love, Justice and Power in Rabbinic Stories. This class will be dealing with rabbinic stories that have these subject matters within. This class meets only twice a week in the afternoons, so I’ve only experienced it once. This is also my highest level clas, which makes me a bit nervous but it’ll be good to have the challenge. I really like working with rabbinic texts–the one we took on was agaddah (a rabbinic story). We mostly worked in chevruta and then, like my first class, we also discussed as a course. I think that I will be learning a lot from this course.

And then I’m in Ulpan, which is hebrew class. I am in a lower level than I’d like but I plan to work hard and pass into a higher level for August. I also like this teacher. But there really isn’t much to say about ulpan.

I’m definitely happy with my learning–in my very short experience thus far–at Pardes. Later, hopefully, I’ll talk about the different sorts of students that are here and the environment, etc.

Jet lagged…still

Today was the end of the “week” at Pardes. I had 2 days of real class and one day of orientation. I will write a post about that tomorrow.

I’m still jet-lagged. I wake up at 6ish and when I get home at 5 all I can think about is going to bed. I have to keep myself busy to stay awake. Writing this, at 9 PM, is keeping me awake.I don’t know if it’s jet lag, the heat, or me just having fatigue issues right now, but I’m wiped.

A list of what Israel currently means to me:

dirty feet

heat, but dry so kind of tolerable but not really

that “personality” that is cowing for little midwestern me

meat in one restaurant, dairy in the other

****

I’m fascinated by the amount of religious people I see in the German Colony where I’m living. It so interesting to try to “code” them. I saw a girl with 3 –the typical 3/4 length sleeve shirt under a sleeveless dress, but apparently, her dress was not long enough, so instead of putting a pair of leggings on, she added another skirt. Interesting…It’s just a rich diversity of visual religious expression.

The neighborhood I’m in is funky/trendy. I like that. Architecturally, as I said, it’s all about the Jerusalem stone. But, what I notice, that is so different from Switzerland and the U.S. (my two cultural points of reference) is the “messiness” of the property–for lack of a better word. I know it’s desert, but still…I don’t dislike it, I just think it’s different.

Here I am, in Jerusalem

I’m concluding my first full day in Jerusalem. It did not contain a lot of activity. I tried to stay low-key and conserve energy/recover from jet-lag. I took a walk up the main street of my neighborhood–the German colony. I got some coffee at the famed Coffee Mill, where there are New Yorker covers on the wall. I needed the coffee! I woke up this morning at 4:30 and couldn’t get back to sleep. What else did I do? I visited Pardes with my roommate and did a little grocery shopping. Thus far I like the Jerusalem stone that the buildings in this neighborhood are constructed with and watching people walk by while sitting on the mirpeset (porch or balcony). I’m fascinated by the diversity of religious observance as it appears through dress.

I had a mostly-wonderful 24 hours before my flight: hanging out with an old Chicago friend, veggie chinese food in Lakeview, Redmoon Theater at Theater on the Lake (amazing!), and then on Saturday yard sale browing in Logan Square,  really yummy brunch in Ukranian Village, and then fun and sun at the Montrose dog beach. I went to the airport a little sandy, but it was all worth it.

Here are 2 pics to start things off:

A tiny Mizrachi synagogue that is across the street from my new apartment

what I see from the balcony

School begins tomorrow (Tuesday)!

Diagnosis: Grave’s Disease or make sure you get those blood tests at your yearly!

In May, when I went to the U of C Student Care Center for my yearly appt. (which was about 6 months late), the physician’s assistant was shocked that I asked for a lipids screening, a ths (thyroid level) test, and a urinalysis. I was shocked because she told me I had short little legs. About a week and a half ago, as I mentioned during my moving tales story, I received a phone call from this PA telling me that my thryoid levels were wacky. During that phone call, she insisted that I get this taken care of before my trip to Israel (I leave on Saturday).

I asked if it could wait until August, and was told no. I spent Friday finding a doctor within my PPO network who would be willing to see me, even if that dr. wasn’t my primary care doctor. Thankfully, the receptionist and the nurses were lovely and tracked someone down.

Last Wednesday, I went to the doctor. She said that I had hyperthyroidism.  I could have this condition from a couple different other conditions, including cancer. I had a blood test, an EKG, and was immediately put on Beta blockers. My heart rate has been really fast for several years, but no physician has seemed worried. (a year and a half ago, my thyroid levels were normal). I was very nervous about having possible tumors in my thryoid, and was dreading the scan. However, on Tuesday, when I had the scan (after swallowing a radioactive iodine gel-cap!) my thryoid looked perfect–as in no tumors. Whew. However when they did the test to see how much iodine was in my body, it was over the “normal” amount, so I had to go back and get another “uptake” today.

The doctor’s office called today and confirmed: I have Grave’s Disease. I will be taking medicine for the rest of my life. When I get back from Israel, I will probably take a treatment of radioactive iodine, which will deactivate my thyroid. Then, I’ll be on synthetic thyroid treatment. This is a hereditary disease. My maternal relatives have thyroid problems and one has the disease as well. People, like me, with food and pollen allergies have a tendency to get the disease. AND the sulfa antibiotics I was on this winter probably hastened its onset.

As my friends and family know, this has been an incredibly rough year. I was sick for most of it. And I’ve never felt 100%. Now, I know why. I may have acted unlike myself–because Grave’s Disease causes anxiety, depression, and distractibility. All of which I’ve had more severely than ever before. And of course, those of you that have been close to me know that I’ve been tired all of the time. My schoolwork has also suffered–I thought I was just no longer smart! But, this disease causes brain disorganization, memory problems, etc. People can even be falsely mis-diagnosed with dislexia with this disease! So, if I’ve been acting like a freak, I apologize.

I’m really looking forward to remembering what it feels like to feel “normal.” I look forward to having energy and focus again. Although this whole experience has been frightening and annoying, I’m glad that it was caught now, instead of through a heart issue or other severe consequences. So, just a reminder, especially to women: when you get your physical  get a full bloodwork too!

Moving Tales Part II

My parents arrived on Saturday to help me pack up the rest of my apartment. Which did happen, after 6PM.  It got packed, even though I was incredibly overwhelmed by the whole process (and really packing boxes in a studio is not a fun experience). We were finished by about 11, and they went to a hotel for the night.

Sunday morning brought perfect moving weather (unlike the torrential downpours of Saturday) and coffee from my parents. The person I hired to help move me arrived on time. And we loaded up the truck and my parents’ car and drove over to the storage place. I chose the closest storage place, which has a very sketchy freight elevator. After we loaded our first trip unto the elevator I braced for the trip up. We went up a few feet (it’s a manual elevator). And something started clanging. I was told to figure out what was ticking out the back of the cage, and discovered some sort of metal instrument and moved it. The person running the elevator tried to start it back up. It went up a little bit and stopped. He couldn’t get it to start again. This worried him far more than it worried my parents and moving helper (and me). We just sat there and hung out, but the guy wanted to get out. He called another employee on his cell and asked him to check out the basement: turning the power on and off, checking the water level in the basement, moving things around. Nothing worked. The guy got more and more anxious and started mumbling about calling the fire department. I was just worried about the time. I wanted to get moving (literally) but didn’t mind the break, and the elevator was big enough that it was pretty airy. Finally, he was able to open the 2nd floor doors the slightest bit and then all the way. Luckily a step ladder was in the elevator. We then climbed out onto the second floor and took the stairs down. I’ve never climbed out of an elevator before…just seen it done on TV.

By the time we loaded up the second (and last) bunch-of-stuff, the elevator was working again. whew! However, the employee decided (and was correct) that I had more stuff than space. So, I had to go find a new storage unit and move the other carts of my possessions down to a different floor.

Thankfully, even with all the stress and angst of moving AGAIN, it went pretty smoothly. Thanks to my parents and the awesome moving helper I hired.

I’ll be moving back into Hyde Park (somewhere) in the fall.  I cannot wait to live somewhere for longer than a year.

Moving Tales Part I

As has been mentioned previously, I was kicked out of my apartment, owned by U of C housing, because they wanted to ADA renovations in my tower and 1 or 2 others in the building. Across their buildings, there will be 40 more ADA accessible apartments overall. My friends speculate that U of C was found out regarding their lack of accomodations, because renovations have been occurring campus-wide. This move-out date was last Sunday, which was incredibly inconvenient. I still am not done with papers and had to suspend the process to move. It was incredibly stressful. When I moved nto my apartment initially, I had planned on staying for 2 years. It was perfect for me. I loved it. Below is a narration of the highlights of my moving experience.

Part I

I arranged for my friend Sarah, who works as a night nurse, to come over on Friday to help pack my kitchen. I planned on taking a break from writing/paper prep. Sarah arrived without trouble, and we walked over to the Nile for lunch. On our way over, we encountered a postal carrier. She greeted us with a hearty good morning (it was afternoon) and we responded in kind. And then she began asking us how we were. We responded affirmatively. Then, she asked if we would mind pushing her mail cart down to the next alley, the one with the bushes. An odd request, but I couldn’t refuse. I pushed the mail cart, with some mail still in it, to the alley and we went on our merry way. I do realize that this was illegal, but we didn’t ask for the, ahem, experience.

While at the Nile, where we ran into our friend E (hi E!) and her family (including her graduating from undergrad brother), I received a phone call. The caller was the nurse practioner I has seen for my yearly check-up 3ish weeks before. She asked if it was a good time, I decided it was ok because I had packing to do. And so, I discovered during that phone call that my thyroid levels were irregular. She wanted me to see someone ASAP. I asked if it could wait until after my trip to Israel, but she said no and sent my labs to Madison. I was not concerned, however while Sarah (thank you!) put together boxes and helped me pack my kitchen up I also spent a good deal of time on the phone trying to find a doctor within my PPO that would see me, even if I wasn’t there regular patient. Luckily it turned out alright, and the kind receptionist and nurses at a particular clinic in Madison were able to find me an opentime slot.

To be continued, please see Part II

First Year of Grad School Redux

I’m in the throes of Week 11: finals week. One paper is turned in, another in the works. I will still be working on a paper when I go home. That’s just the way it is, even if I pride myself on getting things done. Some things just take longer to be done than others–and it’s usually professor-sanctioned.

This post is a sort of evaluation of this year. I will also write a post about what I’ve learned this year. But that will come later.

This experience has been one of the most difficult of my life. One of the hardest parts of the experience is always feeling not-smart, and definitely lesser than classmates (especially the phd students). I haven’t felt the pure, unadulterated joy of success yet.  Instead, it’s this grinding process of “working hard” in order to get to the next step successfully. I’m not saying that this has been the most negative year of my life, but it’s been the year when I’ve constantly been working hard without a breath, or so it feels. To make things easy to understand. Here are 2 lists:

Negative aspects of the past school year:

• doing progressively worse in Bib. Hebrew and having to find additional support in order to succeed
• being sick for 7 of the 9 months of the school year with a sinus infection or related yuckiness
• being friend dumped
• discovering that even though my lease is supposed to go through Aug. 31, that I would be kicked out on June 14 for ADA renovations

Positive aspects of past school year:

• initially making/enjoying really amazing friendships
• meeting really fun, interesting people that I’m happy to count as both friends and really cool acquaintances
• taking interesting and challenging courses, even if sometimes it made me feel like drowning
• living in Chicago again, with all its neighborhoods, parks, etc.
• teaching an awesome religious school class with a wonderful boss

Obviously, the good outweighs the bad. And I had wonderful experiences even when there was negative things happening in my life. Also, these negative experiences help me to grow and become an even better person (cheesy? yes.) I mean, the sick part was just annoying because it affected my energy level which, in turn, affected my school-work time.  The friend stuff was the worst, and what I will not talk about on this blog–at least for several years. But, I learned important lessons from this experience about human nature.

The positive things were all so great. I have loved the spontaneous conversation with my classmates at the Div school that happen at the coffeeshop, the lounge, the study room and in the halls. Even though there is a tough competitive edge (which I complain about) here, cool people do exist! And being back in the city has been great. I love going to different neighborhoods for food, coffee, and people-watching. Hyde Park, itself, is a nice place to live. It is quiet and green–qualities I appreciate. One added benefit of returning to Chicago is the existence of my Smith friends, who brough a degree of normalcy and that lovely feeling of “old friends” to a new life chapter.

I think that, for me, the transition from the “working” world back to academia was tough. Hopefully, next year will be easier. I had to relearn how to study, how to write papers, how to read.  Being out of school, though, for 4 years was beneficial. Life experience makes me a better and more motivated student.

I’m glad that I’m here and proud of the progress I’ve made. And I can’t wait to have some time off to rest before saddling up again at the end of September!

A little reprieve

I went home to Madison on Thursday afternoon. It was planned. My parents are out of town and my sister has the dog and house to herself. So I went to join her. It was just relaxing to leave Hyde Park and my apartment with all its inherent tensions (piles of books, the boxes waiting to be packed, the papers that need to be written) behind and drive the 3 hours.

I was joyously welcomed home by the house pooch. And we took ourselves and the puppy to Wingra Park for dinner. We picnicked facing the lake and the trees. So so nice. Afterwards we took the puppy on a stroll on Monroe street (not the business district part) for his walk.

Friday, after my sister went to work, I read for paper-preparation. But, we didn’t read in the library, the apartment, a coffee-shop, or the div school reading room. I read on the screened porch in the perfect sunny weather.  I was also able to take a short break (love the lack of traffic in Madison! and the closeness of things) to buy some moving supplies and walk the dog. After work, we put together a quick picnic and headed to the union to sit by the lake and listen to Jazz Fest until the sunset.

And now, I’m back in Hyde Park with all its inherent tensions and expectations. One week to go. I move out a week from Sunday and then this year will finally be over.