Back in Chicago

I’m here in Hyde Park again. The weather is beautiful, perfect, actually.  My apartment is still in utter chaos. I’m putting it together, but it’s not that fun. I am looking forward to the place looking settled. The apartment itself is fine, it’s the mirror of my old one, which is slightly disorienting. I peeked in on the old place before moving in and the renovation is gorgeous. Somebody is going to be very lucky living there. I’m excited about living on the sunny side of the building and growing some kitchen herbs in my window. I’m thinking basil and maybe some mint, too.

I spent the weekend in Logan Square dog sitting. It was a relaxing transition back to Chicago, since that apartment has been homebase consistently since Smith graduation in ‘04. The strange thing about being back here is that although it feels so normal (I’m sitting in the Regenstein Library right now), in a way I don’t even remember this life. Last year was so chaotic and filled with illness and fatigue, not to mention the massive transition back into academia that it feels blurry.  I’m looking forward to truly living this year in a way that didn’t happen last year–with awareness and energy.

it’s that oppressive sun

I’ve been back almost a week. I’ve mostly recovered from jet lag, although I’m so exhausted by 9ish at night that I haven’t even finished the four books I got on Monday at the library (this is highly unusual for me). The weather here at home has been cool (we aren’t even hitting 70 degrees today!) and wet. The clouds have been crazy. And I realized that I really love them. No wonder I felt like the sun was oppressive in Israel. There were hardly any clouds and I missed them. Today, they are skating across the sky in giant, stormy clumps. Everything is consistently green. It looks like Wisconsin is going to miss the August grass burnout this year. Which is aesthetically pleasing. I worry, of course, when I read that the ocean is so much warmer this year EVERYWHERE and how that is affecting everything. But here in the middle, we’re abnormally cool.

It’s been hard to get on the road to productivity. Partly because my brain is tired and really just needed to rest. Partly because I get stuck in vacation malaise where I really just enjoy cuddling/playing with the puppy, taking him on walks, and hanging out around the house. Luckily, the action will be picking up again soon.

This weekend there should be some boating with the parents. And next Thursday, my sister and I will be heading up North to go camping (please, please, please don’t rain everday!). We’re planning on a waterfall hunting day trip to UP Michigan. We’ll actually end up near Lake Superior. Our campground is just outside Minoqua, WI, which is the town we’ve been vacationing near for our entire lives. We love that area of North Central, WI. And the National Forest we’re staying in is just great, too. Besides waterfall hunting, we may go kayaking or canoeing. We’ll definitely go swimming and hiking.

After we return, there’s just one short week until Labor Day weekend. We’ll have grandparents visit (Hi grandma!) and then we’ll all be heading to Chicago for a Bar Mitzvah. I’ll be staying on in Chicago afterwards, and at the end of the week, I’ll move into my apartment (yay!). Religious school starts that Sunday. Sadly, summer is nearly over. But, University of Chicago will not begin the year until September 29.

Leaving Israel: a post that meanders

Pardes has ended. Tomorrow, Friday, at midnight, I will fly back to the U.S. I wanted to write a quick post, that will hopefully be bookended on one side with a more reflective post when I have the time and space to reflect.

As many of you know, Israel is not a place I longed to visit. I came here, because of Pardes, somewhat reluctantly. Knowing that I would hate the weather (I’m a northerner through and through). Knowing that the people, the Israelis, would have personalities that would grate against me and offend and possibly even scare me with their aggression. I had no particular sentimental passion about the idea of the “Jewish homeland”, in fact, after the paper I wrote last school year, any seed of Zionist ideology still lurking in my brain was erased by disturbed disgust. (I believe that Israel should exist as a Jewish state, I just don’t identify with Zionism).

When I got here it was hot. The people were aggressive. The apartment I am living in was in a state of filth. And I was tired, still being affected by my newly diagnosed condition (and jet lagged). After six weeks, I’m beginning to see how I will tolerate living here for a year if things (yet unveiled to all) go according the the plan. The assets of a strong Anglo community are great. The body adjusts to the heat (although just barely!). The legs adjust to the hills–a good thing.The eyes adjust to seeing the soldiers with guns and the frum (orthodox) with their long sleeves and various forms of dress.

Pardes itself was just wonderful. I had occasionally spouts of uncomfortable feeling about the orthodox bent that comes with attending a halachically observant institution. But, you find your place. You discover a chevruta (study partner) in your classes that will meld or challenge your belief systems. It’s about discovery and flexibility. I am more aware in ways I think I don’t even understand now. I have an awareness of halakha, of the viewpoint of the Orthodox. And of the challenges of Jews being Jews everywhere in the world because of the great diversity of experience, especially in how that translates to explanation and education of the outside world. I was profoundly affected by learning in a pluralistic community where I felt free to grow and learn without self-consciousness. Sometimes, I felt awkward or weird or guilty about deciding not to daven (pray) in the egalitarian minyan, even though it is not my regular tradition and I feel better having more unstructured time. There were occasions when I felt strange not keeping Shabbat or eating in a non-kosher restaurant, even though I don’t regularly keep shabbat or kosher. So, the pressure was there.

I’m sitting here in my room in the German Colony, Jerusalem both excited to return to Madison, where the Pride fest will be attended on Saturday night and Sunday, where I will not have invitations to Shabbat lunch or seudat shlishi (3rd meal), and curious as to what it will mean to not be in a place where it is assumed that of course everyone will be walking to shul or eating a shabbas meal or lunch or seuda shlishi. Where after Shabbat ends on Saturday night, the streets come alive with families, singles, teens, and seniors. Where you still see small children eating ice cream outside Aldo at midnight. I wonder what that will feel like. Will it feel normal? will there be a feeling of loss?

The most exciting/interesting/lovely aspect of my Jerusalem experience was the people. I met such incredible people. And what I liked most was the lack of pressure. We’d eat dinner or hang out. But, we were all temporary. We all say good bye and if we see each other again, it will be with pleasure. There was such an interesting crowd. I was happy to be a part of them for 6 weeks. And I’m excited to maintain my Chicago friendships, which will hopefully translate into Shabbat dinners and shul hopping around the city.

having it both ways

One of the great things about being here at Pardes in Jerusalem is the insta-community you enter. Much like summer camp, but less intense. We’re in classes a lot, which limits the during-the-day friendship sort of interaction to our 2 breaks–morning and lunch. Instead it’s after school and Shabbat. Shabbat can be intensely busy and social. Some shabbats, I have been to dinner, lunch, and seudat shlishit (third meal, which is usually cold salads). After all that walking (no busses in Jerusalem on Shabbat) and socializing I’m ready for the weekend. But school starts again on Sunday. So, no hypothetical “weekend”. The most weekend you get is on Friday. Friday, though, tends to be a day of cleaning, shopping, and cooking–no matter if you are hosting or providing potluck dishes.

Often, I’ve been able to strike a balance between the social carnival and the quiet independence of being “alone”. Alone is quotes because I’m living with 2 other people in a bedroom the size of my college dormroom. But, I’ve still felt busy and surrounded with people.

This Friday-Saturday has been a perfect combination of alone time and social time. Yesterday, Friday, I ran a few quick errands in the morning before packing a daypack and heading to the Central Bus station. There, I caught a bus to Tel Aviv. I haven’t traveled alone in Israel. And I didn’t have a city map, but I did have a guide book with bus routes penciled in by yours truly.

My destination was the Tel Aviv Art Museum. I first visited this art museum for the first time when I was 13, in Israel on a trip with my grandparents. It was, as far as I remember, the first time I visited an art museum and most certainly, the first time I had seen modern art in a museum. I was wowed. And excited to find art that I liked. As most of you know, this did not cause me to suddenly love art–do art history in college or take up art as a hobby. But, I developed a healthy appreciation that is manifested in occasional art museum visits.

Once again, I truly enjoyed my visit to the museum. Of course, now, I’ve been to several museums in the U S and Europe. However, I felt different about my visit to the TA museum. After suffering through numerous exhibits of crucifixes and Christ iconography and symbolism it was refreshing to leave that behind. The exhibits I saw were all different and interesting, and even historic. I saw an exhibit of art created by Eli Shamir. The series of paintings that I saw were portraits and self portraits of Shamir’s neighbors and family in a small Israeli village. Shamir returned to the village to live after a life away. It was all very beautiful and fascinating. I especially liked when Shamir would create self-portraits of him painting portraits.

My other favorite exhibit was called “Fragmented Mirror: Exhibition of Jewish Artists, Berlin, 1907.” This was a collection of works shown in 1907 in Berlin. My favorite piece was not a work of art but a letter, where someone wrote something to this effect “I am not sure that art created by Jews is Jewish art but I am willing to give you permission to exhibit wherever you wish.” This letter cuts to the crux of a universal problem. What makes something Jewish and what does that mean?  Someone else wrote (on the wall) that the Jewish nose was the expression of emotion in Jewish art in that time. I found that interesting to think about, especially since shortly thereafter (well within the next 40 years) the Jewish nose became a source of negative identity and critical humor.

After my museum visit I had a little trouble figuring out how to get to my next destination. I needed a map. Eventually, though I found the right bus that would take me to Nachalot Benjamin. Nachalot Benjamin is a craft festival that is put on every Tuesday and Friday. It was very very warm there (Tel Aviv is hotter and more humid than Jerusalem). But, it was also fun to walk around a look at what the artists were creating. After a brief visit to the booths (I am not much of a consumer) I found a bus back to the station and took another bus back to Jerusalem. I felt so very independent, making my way around a city without understanding all the street signs (and the bus drivers don’t speak english as well as the ones in Jerusalem). It was also nice to travel without someone else’s complaints, anxieties, and demands. With someone else around, I wouldn’t have stood for 10 minutes examining a bus route map before taking action. But instead, I did, and eventually decided to try the other side of the street. I also couldn’t have made it through the museum without feeling like I was waiting for someone or needing to occasionally explain my actions. It was great!

I arrived home with a few hours to spare before Shabbat. I was glad to have some time to relax and cut the fruit I was contributing to the dinner I planned on attending. And off I went. I left unfolded laundry on my bed figuring that I’d be back at a reasonable hour (in the summer, Shabbat dinners don’t usually begin until after 8). However, after an evening of really interesting and fun conversation, I had one of my latest nights yet: after 2AM. But the conversation was great. I enjoyed the company. In short, I relished the community after a day of independent travel.

It’s already the middle of the end

Time has flown during August session. Partly because I’ve been slightly lazy/remiss about posting, but also because as August session began I started to count down to my flight home. I will be on a flight home in a little over a week. And I’m ready. I hope that I’ll still be ready in a week.

What have I been up to? A week ago Sunday, I went to the Old City and ended up at the Church of the Holy Sepulchre. It was night-time and I felt that the big church was a litle spooky. However it was an interesting little side trip. We also watched the sun set from the rooftobs over the Old City. Pics below:

I have also done the usual celebrating of Shabbat by walking to various meals…and going to services. Classes are going well this session. I’m only taking 2. I dropped the 2-day-a-week afternoon class in favor of some time “off”. I also dropped ulpan and am self-teaching myself Hebrew from the ulpan book. I’m moving much more quickly. I do need to put my vocab words on flash cards though.

I’m also looking forward, in order to prepare of the school year. I believe that I have secured September work/study employment, which is good. And I have a housing assignment, although the timing is not in my favor (a little later than needed).  I have done preliminary choosing of my courses, as well. Most importantly, I am mentally preparing for a really rough school year. After last year, I at least know what to expect. But with future, post Chicago planning needing to be done, there will be even more work than the year before.

Before I leave Israel I hope to visit Tel Aviv, possibly participate in a walking tour of East Jerusalem, and see a little more of the “touristy” part of the city. We’ll see.

Being in Jerusalem: a positive

One of of the best parts of the “Jerusalem experience” is the plethora of prayer options, even just in the German Colony. I’ve tried to take advantage of doing some shul shopping while here. I used to do more shul shopping in Chicago, but only when I had parterns-in-crime. After my co-workers moved away, that stopped.

But here, lots of people are interested in trying out new things. I was disappointed because I wanted to check out the “alternative” minyan, Kedem. But, I got sick and missed the last Saturday morning service. I have checked out the Progressive synagogue, but both experiences have been unusual, so I’m going again tonight. (once I was sick and once was the Gan dedication).

I’ve also attended the Reconstructionist Minyan, which is monthly. That was a really nice experience, especially after feeling fish-out-of-the-water experiences at Pardes where it is normatively “halakhic”. And then, for erev Tish b’av I attended a renewal service. The egalitarian options I haven’t explored are “conservative” or masorti.

I feel privileged to have these opportunities. And, if there’s something I’ll miss about Jerusalem, it would be the access to these explorations–with buddies!

Letting my brain rest

I’m in the midst of the 4 day break between Pardes sessions. I was so ambitious when I thought about these 4 days. Of course, I always am. I thought I’d get a good deal of blogging done, of processing. Maybe of Jerusalem sightseeing. That has not happened in the “successful” way that I dreamed it would. I realized though–well someone asked me–that I did not stop thinking hard since last September. I really didn’t have a break before I got here, since I had to write 2 papers. And then, when I get home, I have one more to write. This realization has forced me to just let my brain rest and go with the flow. If I had access I would watch tons of dumb television. Here, I am struggling to find full episodes on youtube…and I only brought 2 dvds. I’m almost done with the second movie.

Yesterday (thursday) I went with a friend to Caesarea, spelled in English translation as Quesaria. We thought we might do the educational–walk amongst the Roman ruins–part of the trip, but we didn’t muster up the enthusiasm. Instead, we rested our brains at the beach. It was really quite beautiful. The Mediterranean Sea was warm and gorgeous. I only got sunburned on my shoulders and my neck. Neither of us got sick from the heat: perfect. It was also a great day of the week to go to Caesaria. It was not packed at all. There were plenty of beach chairs and the water wasn’t chock-full of people. It was even kind of quiet. And, we even made it back by midnight.

In our traveling, we used both buses and commuter trains. It was so easy to “do” transportation, I couldn’t believe it. Traveling in Europe sometimes felt so difficult. The oddest moments in the travel experience were on the bus back to Jerusalem from Tel Aviv. There were some incredibly rowdy teenagers on the bus who even lit up cigarettes. They screamed and yelled throughout the whole trip. The bus was stopped twice to discipline them. It was rather entertaining because EVERYONE became involved in the “crisis.” They were even obnoxious even after they got off the bus, on the street.

Some visual highlights:

Pardes July Session is nearly over

I have all these posts I keep meaning to write, but tend to run out of time/energy before they are written. I promise that they’ll be up soon!

The July session of Pardes is nearly over. This week has been remarkably busy, I think more remarkable since last week I was sick so did nothing. I have ventured out more, now that I’m feeling better and adjusted to the heat. I cooked dinner with some new friends twice this week. I also went to Gush Etzion (a settlement) with a group of Pardes students to visit a teacher’s house. I think it is very important to see both sides of an issue (since I have now also visited Bethlehem…post will come eventually I promise!). It was an informational and insight-bringing visit. My teacher is observant–I don’t know what her label would be but I assume it would be Modern orthodox or the like. A lot of Pardes faculty would be considered Modern Orthodox and there is a vibe of literalism that runs through our studies. Although it is not as oppressive or intense as it could possibly be. But, if I was young and questioning my religious identity, it could be considered a bit dangerous. I find it oppressive, especially feminist issues and the narrow view of what is “correct” Judaism.

Last night (Shabbat) I went to the Kotel (Western wall) to watch what I dubbed “the show”. I literally sat on the steps facing the wall and watched the hundreds of people pray and dance and what-have-you at the wall. No pictures are allowed. But, it was fascinating to see. There were so many different types of Jews–mostly Haredi (hasidic), but also of other flavors. In contrast, today, I went to Shabbat morning services at the Reconstructionist Minyan. Where women were wearing Tallit and kippot (not the only place this happens, of course). And there was much singing and activity in both Hebrew and English. Tonight, I will be going to Seudat Shlishit (3rd meal) at a teacher’s house. This teacher straddles the orthodox line and I’m interested in hearing more about her views. I haven’t uploaded new pictures yet, so here’s one little story to round out the week:

On Wednesday, my friends and I went shopping for food for dinner. The grocery stores in Israel are veritable madhouses, I’ve never seen people buy so much food at one time. Awful! One of my friends discovered an express lane (unlabeled of course). I stood in that line with my 11 or 12 items (including lots of veggies). When I got to the front the cashier yelled at me–I had over 10 items. She insisted that she couldn’t check me out and forced me to pack up and back out of the lane (inconveniencing several other people). It was so ironic that I just started laughing–Israelis don’t follow rules and THIS is the one that they decide to enforce.

What is summer?

I know I’ve promised posts on religious observance/belief/etc. as well as posts on my life here in Israel. I’m at home sick today (it is Saturday). And to quell my boredom, I’ve been reading the NYTimes. Today, the travel section (and dining) have an article about the Chesapeake Bay area crab shacks. While reading the article I suddenly realized why Jerusalem feels cognitively dissonant to me. This is the first place I’ve “lived” where there is no body of water within easy accessibility. I’m a water child. I must have my body of water. And for me, throughout my childhood, summer has meant water.

Days spent on the boat, fishing or cruising. Or renting canoes or kayaks for a paddle. Watching a water ski show. Fishing from the shore. Biking or walking by a river or lake. The sand and the smell of algae and seaweed are the smells of home. And the greenery that surrounds the lake is just as important. It’s there for picnics, grilling, and camping.

I have never felt the reverence that others feel for Israel. Partially, it’s because of my political bent, I don’t have the trust or love of the government. It’s a place that inspires a lot of emotions. It’s a place where the old woman with 2 packets of yogurt cons her way to the front of the grocery line and gets yelled at by the store manager. People love Israel. But people get angry with it and at it. But for me, it’s just not the environment I want to be in.** I desperately crave green–midwestern/coastal green. And it’s all stone and craggy trees in this city. There’s no water (it’s kind of deserty). And it’s really hot. And if you know me, you know I hate the heat. Heat, for me, is completely uninspiring. It’s something to retreat from, it keeps me away from exploration. Everyday since I got here, when I wake up and take a shower in the little shower in the bathroom where the floor is always wet in the mornings, I look forward to finishing my summer in Wisconsin. Where it’s cool and wet sometimes, and sometimes humid and oppressive. But where there’s really green grass and trees and there are beautiful lakes to look at and swim in.

**I’m not saying that I’m hating my time here or something of the sort**

What am I taking at Pardes?

I have now had two full days of classes at Pardes. We did not have class on Friday, to give us a full 2-day weekend. We have class tomorrow, on Sunday. Thus far, I am really liking my classes (even Hebrew!). I feel refreshed and more intellectually open with the mesh of both lecture/group participation and chevruta (pair) style learning.My first two classes are taught by the same teacher–who I really like and who appears to have great pedagogical prowess.

My first morning class is entitled “Esther”. It is an introductory tanakh (bible) course on the book of Esther. The teacher is very good at weaving in both excerpts from other books (of the Torah) and various midrash and rabbinic  texts. We learn in chevruta for about 1.25 hours of the 2 hour class. Thus far, in the first 2 days, we have read (in English in the bilingual tanakh) the first 24 lines of the book. I have not always agreed with some assumptions that have been made fact by my classmates throughout the class, but I definitely find it interesting. One thing I like about this class is that its a popular story that we are reading–the one read on Purim each year. But, I’ve never sat down and studied it in depth.

My second class is called Personalizing Prayer. Personalizing Prayer is a class about both spiritual growth and the service in the siddur (prayer book). Physically, this class is very large and the classroom is very small. So it is slightly unpleasant to sit in there for 2 hours without a desk. The class will be discussing obstacles to prayer, how different thinkers think about prayer, and the specific prayers in the siddur. We’ve started with Modeh Ani and moved on from there. I like this class, because I feel both ambivalent and indifferent about prayer at different times. It has been good to hear that others have the same feelings/thoughts. This class is mostly discussion thus far, although there will be chevruta. It’s just that time moves quickly with a large class.

My third class is called Law, Love, Justice and Power in Rabbinic Stories. This class will be dealing with rabbinic stories that have these subject matters within. This class meets only twice a week in the afternoons, so I’ve only experienced it once. This is also my highest level clas, which makes me a bit nervous but it’ll be good to have the challenge. I really like working with rabbinic texts–the one we took on was agaddah (a rabbinic story). We mostly worked in chevruta and then, like my first class, we also discussed as a course. I think that I will be learning a lot from this course.

And then I’m in Ulpan, which is hebrew class. I am in a lower level than I’d like but I plan to work hard and pass into a higher level for August. I also like this teacher. But there really isn’t much to say about ulpan.

I’m definitely happy with my learning–in my very short experience thus far–at Pardes. Later, hopefully, I’ll talk about the different sorts of students that are here and the environment, etc.