Thinking about friends

This year, before I started grad school for year (not the intensive) I worried about making school friends. I didn’t feel really connected to anyone, I was nervous that I was too different. Of course my friend worries were unnecessary, I quickly developed a neat little threesome. I felt safe in these friendships and although they were intense because our program is intense, they seemed lasting. They may still be lasting, but in one there is a bump. And that bump is forcing me to take another look at the goodness of friendship.

I am so used to having old friends. Friends that are predictable in behavior and that know and understand me through history (which, crazily enough, if we met in first year of college is about 9 years ago).  We get each other through the hard times. We make each other laugh. We celebrate success. Most of these friendships are over the phone, since I went to an East coast college. A few are here at home. On Friday night, my three old friends and I went out for dinner on the Northside. And for a little over 2 hours, we laughed and joked and enjoyed old camraderie that had NOTHING to do with school. Yes, 3 of the 4 of us are at the same graduate institution (in different programs). But, mostly, we didn’t talk about school. We just enjoyed ourselves. I felt good (and the Eithipian food was amazing). I felt normal and grounded and happy. I drove home thinking about how grateful I was to have those 3 friends. And how special it was to be able to take time out and laugh with them, no matter the mood that I arrived with.

Today, flowers were outside my apartment door. Flowers! I have never received flowers from anyone. I don’t typically have flower-receiving types of relationships. But, I have been having a rough quarter filled with failure, rejection, and self-flagellation. And another old friend, one I met when she was a first year and I was a senior at college, knew about my mood. And she knew that the hardest is yet to come–finals. So, she sent me cheerful, beautiful flowers that were a perfect antidote to the grey day and the long, paper-writing weekend I just experienced.  They made me feel loved and safe. I was reminded how good I have it. I have so many good friends, that live in Chicago and around the world. I am so grateful to have you all in my life.

thank you friends.

weekend

• This weekend my sister came to visit. It wasn’t the most amazing visit of all times. Snow kept being dumped, all of Saturday which made it NO FUN. We tried to go to the Museum of Science and Industry. It was a very wet process. And, we discovered, after wandering around, that growing up going to the museum made it a rather boring adult experience. And there weren’t any special exhibits to look at.  But, at least January is free month (there) so it was worth the price
• I don’t usually do a friends thing for my birthday, since it falls between Christmas and New Years. But this year, I decided it was about time. The last “birthday” celebration I remember (with friends) is 8th grade and I threw a summer party. This time, I invited my closest Chicago friends and went out to my favorite Logan Square Mexican spot (El Cid II). There were 7 of us, only 1 person +husband ended up sickly  (sadly). First, I have to comment on the number. For me, this is amazing (not that I don’t have more than 7 friends, but after the last 2 years of living in Madison where I couldn’t have invited more than my sister and her friends to a party, this is amazing! and 3 of those friends are Smithies (that came, there would have been 4!), and my sister was there. But still. I was so grateful and it reminded me of some life positives (which in the rush of grad school stress have been slipping away). Back to the “party”. My question is why did I choose to do this? I feel strange getting so much attention, in fact it makes me want to crawl under the table (and I probably make horrible faces). It was fun to get everyone together though–these people that I love. And then, I feel guilty for them paying for my meal because we were almost all poor grad students.  But it was fun. I need to remember that. And I didn’t crawl under the table when attention was put on me (I don’t get this feeling with family, oddly). And we had yummy food and good company.
• At religious school today we went to a Catholic church. It was quite the experience for all of us. I was surprised how strongly ideological the teachers were, especially when interacting with my (very left, liberal) students. Of course we had differing opinions. But, still. It was, though, a fascinating and memorable experience.

Today I’m 27

Today is my birthday. I turned 27. It’s strange being pushed from the “mid” twenties to the “late” twenties with just one day of transition. I’m such a goal oriented person that it bothers me that my life isn’t in order and I’m not doing what I “should” be doing professionally right now. I’m on the path but have years until I reach the goal. I’m still in that transitional 20s phase of life. It’s definitely been painful, although lately things have smoothed out some. I’m in grad school, I’m back in Chicago–a city I love, I have friends. It’s good.

My birthday was very pleasant, especially compared to last year. My parents took us out to Lazy Jane’s, the favorite breakfast restaurant of my sister and I. We had our usual–lemon creme scones and 2 eggs and potatoes. My mom thought the restaurant was very urban. I think it’s very Madison, it basically looks like a diner in somebody’s living room. Upon returning home we debated between bowling and a movie–Marley and Me. The movie won. It was cute, funny and sad. Afterwards we lazed around and read until dinner, which was enjoyable because we had 8th night of Chanukah latkes! And tasty carrot cake. So, it was a nice day.  Thank you parents and sister!

What I’ve Done on my Winter Vacation, thus far

Since the speedy (10 weeks!) quarter has ended, I’ve been at loose ends. I mean, I have stuff to do. I have to study for the French reading exam (blech) and fill out the application for my summer program (essays) and I should fill out the application for the fellowship I’d like to have next year. But, thus far, here’s what I’ve done:

• I’ve watched Regis and Kelly and part of the View, because that’s what my mom likes to watch
• I’ve read one book fully (really good! called Happy Family) and one book of short stories halfly, but I was too ambitious, should of picked up chick lit or mysteries or something
• watched John and Kate plus 8, many episodes
• watched Cold Case, NCIS, and Without a Trace, during the daytime of course
• watched the food channel and Top Chef
• cooked dinner for my family once
• gone to Borders to work on stuff, got some stuff kind of done. Will go again
• gone shopping with my mom. BDay present. Sweaters. Definitely a necessity.
• played with the dog. LOTS
• laid on the floor and giggled with my sister. Tortured said sister about being sick (I TRY to be annoying, since she spent so many years being my annoyance!)
• taken 1 walk (our temperature here has hovered at 1 degree F. And then it snowed a lot)
• bumbled around the internet for kicks
• met with a former starbucks co-worker to hear their story, now I have to write it. Tomorrow.
• Watched Milk. Very good. Highly recommend it. And the Sundance Movie Theater is mighty cool too.
• Written random emails, because what else am I going to do?
• slept until at least 8AM since I got home on Sunday afternoon. Nice.

P.S. Everyone is coughing here in this house except for me. I’m keeping my fingers crossed and if I believed in it, I’d pray.  Because I have places that I want to be next week and I don’t want to be sick!

Friday 5

1. I got all ambitious tonight and pulled out butter for chocolate chip cookies. It’s still sitting out and the time just turned to 10 PM. Those cookies are not being made.

2. I just forced myself to stay up until 10 PM. Sometimes, life just exhausts me.

3. Haven’t heard from more grad schools. I’m still deliberating between the 2. I’m seriously vascillating and actually still trying to decide if I should visit before I get the rest of the decisions or not. Opinions?

4. It’s going to be in the 30s this weekend! I can go outside without a hat! And there will be lots of puddles.

5. I feel like I’m living in a book desert. I read the most horrible book this last week (or so). And almost all the books I got from the library were not winners. So, on Tuesday (when I broke my necklace) on surveyed Borders for title ideas. And nothing! I could not find a single book that looked interesting. Either something is wrong with me or people don’t publish in the mid-winter.

Friday 5

1. Winter has not stopped here in Madison, although the other day we reached a balmy 20 degrees.

2. I have been accepted to 2 graduate schools! See my pro-con lists for details.

3. I’m more excited than I can express.

4. What’s the most exciting is that I know that I have a future. I’ve been steadily working towards these next steps, but time passes so slowly. Now I know that I will be a graduate student and can continue on with my life-plan.

5. Although I’m not going to visit Temple to help make my decision (because I’ve heard so much more anectdotal information about Philadelphia and Temple), I am going to be visiting Duke. Which, since I’m so bogged down with winter, will be a refreshing change of course. More details, when I know them, to follow.

the opposite of the usual

Winter clothing and I have always had a tempestuous relationship. I was the little kid that needed the clips to keep my mittens together. I frequently lost my scarf, a boot, a mitten. In elementary school, my sister would somehow find the sad, lost companion and bring it back to me (I’m so glad that we were only 2 years apart). She still picks up my gloves next to the car, in the cafe, etc. I’m much better, I must say, and am using the same pair of gloves I used last winter. But, right now, the location of my hat is elusive.

However. Today, as I brushed the snow off my car (really nice and fluffy, I might add), I spotted a bright, cloth object. I grabbed it and discovered that it was my sister’s glove. The tables have turned, folks. I found my sister’s lost glove (on top of my car).

She’ll get it back tonight.

Officially Madison’s Snowiest Winter

See, I’m not crazy. Nope, not at all. This winter has really stretched my tolerance thin, which is especially telling, because I love winter. They have officially declared this Madison’s snowiest winter and spring is still a ways off.

Now, if I could cure my cabin fever…

Chicago Weekend Highlights

I missed Friday 5 this week for no explicable reason except that I had severe Starbucks fatigue. So, here are some bullet point highlights of my weekend in the Windy City (it wasn’t very windy, more like snowy).

• Reconnecting with a college friend. It felt good to have the catch up time and meet her fiancee. AND, we hung out in Andersonville, which is my favorite Chicago neighborhood to hang.
• yummy Middle Eastern food at Al-Khaymeih
  
• Good Chi-town Smithie company all weekend long, plus loving from the very friendly Kedzie the dog.
• brunch at Violet (pretty good!) with a couple of friends that I also haven’t kept in good touch with this year, and their new baby! She had beautiful eyes.
• A pre-Superbowl dipping extravaganza (we made several dips)
• bowling at Diversey Rock ‘n’ Bowl during the game.
• books! I got 3 books for (belated) birthday presents. I was thrilled

All in all it was a fun, friend-filled weekend

Chicago smells good

Usually when I think about Chicago and smells, I reconstruct smells of rotten garbage sitting in the alleys that permeates neighborhoods in the summer. But, this weekend, Chicago smelled like laundry. Yummy, yummy laundry. I first noticed the heavenly smell (can you tell I like the smell?) on Kedzie Avenue near Lawrence…where my favorite Middle Eastern restaurants (grocery stores) are. It was the 24 hour coin laundry. And, then, in the parking lot near the grocery store in Logan Square I smelled the wonderful smell again. (another coin laundry). While walking to our cars in the neighborhood, I’d smell the warm dryer scent wafting up to the sidewalk. It was comforting, because if we were walking to our cars, there was going to be some digging out of cars and some burnt rubber smells to come.