Random things of late (with lots of parentheses) to tide my grandparents over until I can write something real:

1. the toddlers above me keep staying up past 10 and are currently jumping over my head. I keep grumbling “stop jumping”. In the past, at more appropriate times, I have just spontaneously yelled stop! really loud. But, it’s not very effective, and they don’t listen. I know their dad and he thought I was a doctor. He was surprised that I wasn’t!

2. I moved offices at work and no longer feel like I’m trapped all day. I like it. I realized that I actually have room to lay on the floor without laying under my desk. I have never laid under my desk, but I have considered it. But, now, naptime is an option. (as if I’d really do that). Or stretching my back by laying down. Anyway, today, I stood up and walked away from my computer and I was still in the same room as my computer! That doesn’t happen downtown. It was amazing. I also have been experiencing complicated moving feelings. Those feelings of upheaval that you experience irrationally. Today, though, I was fine and they were over.

3. I keep looking at dog adoption websites even though I can’t adopt a dog.

4. Soon, Limmud will be over. In 1 month! Then I will need to find other things to occupy my time until I can plant my community garden plot. I’m mulling it over and trying to find things to do. But, I’m also really quite excited about the opportunity to not have meetings nearly every night of the week. (not to worry! I have signed on for next year and will still have some meetings).

5. I re-signed my lease. I am contracted to stay in the same apartment through April 2013. I hope that I can make it without getting itchy feet! (just kidding, I kind of like the idea of staying in the same place, and I like this apartment).

6. I keep mentally making lists of things that I’d like to have in 10 years. And I keep getting stuck on things like “in unit laundry” and “a new car” and “educational loans that are paid down” and “central air”. Apparently it’s about the little big things and not the big plans. That’s ok for now, I guess.

P.S. All my hard work can be found on the conference program!

I held it up and remembered doing this as a child. When I decided that I should try the project my girl scout day camp counselors discussed: making earrings out of acorns. My sister and Lizzy, our friend,and I gathered in the kitchen. And I got out the grown up scissors. Of course, I slipped and cut my finger badly. Allison had to go down to the basement to get my dad twice before he came up. He didn’t understand my sister when she told him I was “dripping”. I fainted and came to in the bathroom, on the floor, with a pillow under my head. I tend to faint. We had a planned excursion to the train museum later that day. And I remember walking around holding the same left pointer finger up above my heart, wrapped in gauze, wondering at the throbbing feeling.

So here I am, by myself in my apartment, because I live alone. Talking myself through not fainting. I did pretty well the first time. I even tweeted about it. Saying how I didn’t faint. And then, I noticed that the tip of my finger was blue. Whoops, I had the band aids too tight. After I re-did my band aids, the fainting symptoms came back with a vengeance. I grabbed an ice pack and sat in my chair.

Sitting there, I remembered sitting in the wheel chair after getting hit in the head with a baseball bat (I was in the way) being coached by the nurse on how not to faint. She told me that you have to remember to keep breathing. The ice pack kept me in touch with reality, but it was pretty shaky there for a while. I don’t know why, but blood just does me in. I cannot handle it. It’s my little panic button. I spent a long time sitting in the chair with the ice pack. When I calmed down, I drank my coffee. Eventually I took a shower. But before that, I used a steak knife and cut the fat off the brisket and got it into the slow cooker. When it came out five hours later, it was delicious.

It all began when I walked down the hall to the computer, passing the admin(she’s amazing by the way). She said “hello, how are you?” I said “I’m good, how are you? She said “perfect” and I said “I’m so glad to hear that” and kept walking. She yelled after me: “I’m lying” and I just looked back and said “I know” (she’s somewhat disgruntled.)

On my way back to the classroom I ran into J, one of the 7th grade teachers. I stopped and said “oh, are we going to do the joint Chanukah party this year?” He was all for it. I mentioned the 18th as the day for the party. He told me that there was no class. I didn’t believe him. He went back to check. We met in the hall again. And said that it was true.

Super co-teacher and I were flabbergasted! We spent over an hour at a hipster cafe in Logan Square (seriously full of artists and students and the artists were actually painting. How strange (just kidding)) planning our lessons for the end of December and January. We were going to do this great lesson about Jewish humor and the convergence between eastern religions and Judaism which would be all wrapped up in the denomination called “secular Judaism”. Sadly, we have to skip right to Reconstructionism (which is an activity that we all love) and then the Chanukah party. So we were in hysterics, laughing at ourselves when our very late students walked in.

Usually, we have about 15, but we had 9. And the kids were very disturbed by our small class, which was a large small class, but they were upset with the absent kids. We were still weirded out, so we explained why we were laughing.

We began class with a “what do you know, what don’t you know about Reform Judaism activity”. When I turned around to get the paper I noticed that our oversized bag of starbursts and skittles had disappeared. Instead, there were about 9 pieces of candy sitting in our cell phone tub. We had been robbed! I was so weirded out by the odd gloomy day and the loss of a lesson that I wanted to run right over to the admin’s office and announce the theft. Thankfully, Super co-teacher advised me to wait. He looked surprised at my eagerness to disrupt class. I left it until the end.

And then the kids started to be crazy. We had more paper arts, including paper airplanes and hopping frogs, than we’ve had this year. We had some crazy names during our debate between the “traditional Jews” the “reformers” and the “modern-day reform” that included Rabbi Halakha Kashrut. (um what?). One guy wouldn’t let up on the football private joke that nobody understood except for him and one other student. One incredibly smart well-behaved student had his own version of misbehavior that lasted the 2 hours, surprisingly (and also quite benign).

And it was our fault for beginning the class in hysterics. And because I decided wrongs needed to be righted immediately (although I was stopped). It was a day full of quotable quotes and hysterical moments. Maybe it was a perfect December day?

But, not the topic of this post. The topic is: I am turning 30 in a little over a month! So many people I know make ultimatums about turning 30. They make lists of things to do before they turn 30. It’s kind of like they think that life ends or something once you hit the next decade. I decided to do the opposite. I’m going to make a list of all the things that I know that my 20-year old self would have put on a list for turning 30 and see how many I’ve accomplished.In no particular order.

My Turning 30 Bucket List from my 20-year old perspective

• Study writing at The Salt Institute: CHECK
• Try to be a writer: CHECK
• Be a barista at a coffee shop: CHECK
• Go traveling in Europe: CHECK
• Work at a Jewish Social Justice organization: CHECK
• Be in a protest: CHECK
• publish writing: CHECK
• live in Maine: CHECK
• go to graduate school: CHECK
• live in Chicago near my relatives: CHECK
• get a dog: Nope, need time and $$
• own a house: Nope, see above
• teach religious school: CHECK (odd I know, but lay leadership has always been important to me)
• study in Israel: CHECK
• hike up a mountain: CHECK  (small one, New Hampshire)
• Keep camping in tents: CHECK (except this summer, sniff)
• be an editor at a magazine: well, not one of my aspirations anymore
• adopt children: see time and money comment (and I really like sleeping)
• work as a nanny (don’t ask): CHECK

My 30-year-old accomplishments and realizations that I wouldn’t have expected at 20

• Getting sick, getting better
• I worked a drive-through window and was known for being fun and speedy
• I can cook anything, and bake anything.
• My gluten-free baking can be gobbled up just like my old glutinous baking used to be
• I know my way around Chicago so well that I never get lost. (the suburbs are another matter)
• I teach middle school students on Sundays.
• I can talk about TV shows (popular ones)
• I can go to an event and not feel socially awkward when I don’t know anyone.
• I drink coffee
• I have a great relationship with my aunt (we had a rocky adolescence)
• I’m still heavily involved in Jewish things
• I went to Divinity School, studied Jewish stuff, Christian stuff, and a little bit of Muslim politics
• I didn’t really like graduate school
• I went to University of Chicago (surprise!)
• I couldn’t learn Hebrew (well enough)
• I seriously considered Rabbinical School
• I don’t eat dairy or gluten. I still eat chocolate.

I think I’ve done pretty well. I’ve never wanted to become a runner and do a race (lots of people put those things in their bucket list). I would love to travel more, but I have low expectations. I’m an explorer in other ways–books, neighborhoods, the woods. Someone at work today told me that I was “one cool girl.” If I’m cool to at least 1 person in their 40s, I’m pretty sure I’ve made it to nearly 30 in better shape than I expected. I like my job and my co-workers, I like my apartment (minus the crazy stomping toddler feet that incessantly pound above my head in the evenings), I like my volunteer work. I still like teaching 8th grade Sunday School. I appreciate my connections to my family here in the Chicago area. I love my trips home. My smithies and other friends that live far away are still just as important as they were when I was 20. Life is busy. It keeps me interested, and that is good. I still don’t know why 30 is so significant though…

I don’t know the last time I was home for 4 days. In my house, not in my parent’s. And I had tons of to-do lists (my desk is littered with post-its). And I didn’t get everything done, at all. And I still feel guilty. Some things just took more time. I went to the eye doctor, the dentist, and the regular doctor. Each of those appointments took up between 1 and 3 hours. (The regular doctor was deep in Glenview, so travel time took up an hour total, and there was the waiting, etc.). So, excuses, excuses.

I took the air conditioner out of the window and washed the screen. The duct tape that I had used to seal things up was a bit of a disaster. The pine needles from the tree outside the window get everywhere. And then, I put all the cleaned filters back into the vacuum. But, it still was making this atrocious sound and not sucking anything up. So, I looked up how to take it apart and figure out what was wrong. And I did, and the belt was broken. So then I frantically searched the internet for vacuum stores, very worried because it was Sunday (but it was Saturday, something I forgot again when I went looking for the Sunday Paper). I found the belt at Home Depot. So, I did my errands and picked that up. And put it back together. It’s still sounds kind of awful. And it’s not working so well on the wood or kitchen floor (which is most of my apartment). But, it does legitimately work on the rug. I’m still perplexed.

That sucked up lots of time that I was intending to use to clean or to do other things on the list. I also had to, of course, prepare for Sunday School. And I baked cookies for my friends and then went over there for Saturday night.

Today, I got one of my stupid sinus headaches and watched tv for 2 hours and then took a nap in order to get rid of it. I got to take a walk, though. And then, best of all, I talked to some Smithies on a conference call. It was quality friend time.

The thing is, is that I still have things on my to-do list and I’m staring down a week where I’ll be home after 9 on three days. ugh. And then there’ll be Shabbat dinner. So, I think the problem with the 4 day weekends is that they feed into my ambitiously high standards. I forget that I want to watch 3 hours of Pan Am on hulu to see if I like it or catch up on the other shows I like. I forget that I might get a headache or get immersed in recipes for roast chicken. (I roasted a chicken for the first time on Friday night, just because).

Tonight the crock pot is going with some stew for the week. The roast chicken remains are in the fridge. I baked the cookies that I used on Saturday night AND the rest will be used on Shabbat. The laundry is done, the sheets are changed. If it was a regular weekend, I’d feel quite accomplished.

P.S. I baked pumpkin cookies that passed the non-gluten free eaters taste test! hooray!

On Sunday, we went to Sunday School (I have a good class this year! so exciting!). Then we at Vietnamese food on Argyle and went shopping. I bought bamboo and I think I’m going to go back for a money plant. I didn’t know that they did not need sunlight. Score for the windowless office! I was tired because I slept poorly. And it was gloomy. So I took a nap and Liz drank coffee. Then I drank coffee. And then, we drove over to Andersonville for a visit to Women and Children’s First (a great bookstore and also on her list) and a stroll. We picked up a Redbox on the way home, and made yummy salmon and mushrooms and green beans for dinner.I worked on Monday, so off to the Field Museum with Liz. She had a lovely time. And then I grumbled at home about a lack of protein in the freezer, so we went to Pita Inn. We had more 30 Rock for dessert. It was a lovely, low-key weekend.

This past weekend, wasn’t remarkable, except that I had quantities of people over to my apartment for Shabbat Dinner, for my minyan. I was nervous. I didn’t know if they would all fit or if they would feel comfortable. But, they loved my apartment. I heard so many nice compliments! And they want to come back, amazingly. I spent Saturday bumming around because Sunday was busy with Sunday School and then a volunteer work thing.

And now I can tell that I didn’t have my Sunday because I don’t feel ready to go to Madison for Rosh Hashanah Wednesday afternoon. Guess I’ll be rushing around on Wednesday…

A year ago June, I didn’t know how I was going to “use” my MA. I knew I had it, I knew that it was a good experience to have had, and it looks good (to have). But now I know. I’m using it in volunteer roles. I’m using it when I compile the D’var Torah resource guide, and I am using when I participate in a discussion analyzing prayers in the middle of the service.

And, I use it, in a way, in my position as co-chair of Chicago Limmud’s program team. I’m using it there because I think that they need an infusion of younger blood and ideas. So, I’m helping with that.

It didn’t crystallize for me until last night. But I do the minyan for myself, and I volunteer with Limmud for the importance of the community. (and the “fun” I experience definitely emerges from the Minyan more than from Limmud).

After going through this first year with a community garden plot, I have plans and more plans for next year. It was fun/is fun to produce my own vegetables and they taste so good. It’s exciting to find a hidden cucumber, or pick the summer squash or collect all the tomatoes. I now know that the summer squash bush grows huge. And next year that and the zucchini (which died from all the rain) will be separated significantly from the other plants. It overshadowed the peppers and the eggplant.

I know, too, that my tomatoes have to move. I envision three raised beds horizontally through my garden. With the tomatoes behind and the squash in front. I can plant the kale and the chard and the Bok Choy, radishes, peas, and beans in the beds, where the weeds won’t compete.

I liked having an independent summer project, even though my busy life made it hard to get to the garden. It was low maintenance enough for me to get there just once or twice a week (of course we’ve had lots of rain too). I liked getting my energy out on the weeds. But, I was frustrated and devastated by how fast they grew. It was kind of a catch-22.

I can’t wait for next year and all of my plans.

Last month, I went to my new Endocrinologist with much apprehension. Would he be good? Would he lack creativity and curiosity? Would I have to fight to have more tests done? I was pleasantly surprised. He was awesome. He asked me a ton of questions. He kept saying “I’m sure that you had this test when you were diagnosed.” And I said no. I only had the thyroid tests. And he would ask again. So, on Thursday, (he wanted me to wait a full 6 months between thyroid panels), I’ll go in for a load of tests testing my hormonal levels. Because there could be other imbalances that I don’t know about. And it’s good to know–and treat–those imbalances. Some–like the adrenals–will be tested through the urine test too.

He did say that Graves could come back within a year. Please please don’t. And that if it comes back more than once, RAI is the best option (even though I did shake my head).

I want to note that not only has it been 2 years, 2 months since I was diagnosed, but it’s also officially 1 year since I started to feel fairly good again. Camp was ending this time last year. And camp was the first opportunity I had to rebuild my health and test my endurance. I think that things, most things, are going well.