28 years, 28 accomplishments

Today, I turn 28. Happy Birthday to me and my fellow December 28th birthday fellows (I personally know 2). As you may have noted, it is in fact my golden birthday! I’m not doing a lot of special things, but there will be a specially cooked meal (thanks Mom!) with a lemon meringue pie for dessert (yum!) and a family trip ($2 a ticket!) to the UW-Madison Women’s Basketball team’s game against Michigan.

Sometimes, after especially hard years, we need a little pick me up, reminding us of who and what we are. In honor of my birthday, I’ve made a list of 28 of my biggest and smallest accomplishments throughout my lifetime, not in chronological order or order of importance.

1. was accepted to college

2. graduated from Smith College

3. Learned to play piano and baritone horn/euphonium and love them and music.

4. sold my writing to local and national publications and received a check in the mail.

5. flew home from Florida all by myself the summer after 2nd grade and caught the travel bug

6. went to Israel with my grandparents (without my parents) and had an amazing time at age 13

7. spent 6 weeks in France without anyone I knew on a summer program after sophomore year of high school.

8. changed schools three times in Middle and High school and survived to tell the tale, and even made friends!

9. freshman year of high school, I won a poetry contest and read one of my poems in front of lots of other high school poets and “professional” poets.

10. played in high school marching band and marched at Disney World

11. had a Bat Mitzvah and fell in love with Judaism

12. was brave enough to be bussed to the high school for freshman English classes in 8th grade. I took a little bus (short)!  (seriously) It was a good experience but not a positive social one…

13. auditioned and was accepted into the high level concert band sophomore year of high school, much to my astonishment.

14. Went to State with my Odyssey of the Mind team in 8th grade.

15. volunteered with a peer education group beginning in 9th grade, which was as soon as I qualified. I continued to participate in peer-education organizations throughout high school.

16. peer tutored from 7-12 grade

17. tried out for the swim team when I moved to Madison. I had never tried out for a high school sport before. (I didn’t make it, but it was fun)

18. was editor in chief of my high school newspaper for 2 years

19. wrote for NewsSmith, the college relations publication as an intern

20. took a creative nonfiction writing workshop in college and rediscovered my love of writing

21. spent 3.5 months in Portland, Maine learning how to write scene-based creative non-fiction. It was amazing. Wrote one 14 page story about a labradoodle breeder and her family.

22. Studied in Geneva, Switzerland for 11 months. Took classes in French and traveled! (also lived in an apartment for the first time)

23. was bored in Geneva, so I learned how to play guitar in French, from a french-speaking teacher.

24. taught nearly 3 full years of religious school and hebrew school. Learned to love the middle school age group and have had a great time “teaching Judaism”.

25. was accepted to University of Chicago Divinity School

26. survived/passed the first year of the MA program while sick with 8 months of a sinus infection and an undiagnosed chronic illness

27. planned the logistics for 2 conferences for over 100 people without prior training.

28. planned a senior citizens summer camp experience by the seat of my pants and even had fun, sometimes.

Reading Kant: it slowly becomes clear

My computer has an open book in front of it: A Cambridge collection Immanuel Kant essays on religion and rationality. I wouldn’t advise using that title to look up the book, although it’d likely come up, even though I’ve shortened and mangled the title. It’s open because I’m supposed to be writing an outline of this reading for a class. We have to write 3. I should have written 2 while we were reading Job, because now the pressure is on. Thankfully, there is no grading that occurs on these outlines. Because Kant! can you imagine? of all the things to try to understand, I believe that Kant is low down on the list.

I’ve read the essay a total of 7 times now. It’s slowly becoming clear to me. There is reason in Kant. Well, of course, this guy is all about reason. I remember when I first read him intensely. I was in this incredible class at Amherst called “Political Obligations”. The class was brilliant and filled with Amherst republicans. In fact, the professor was radically conservative and notorious. I felt, at the time, that it was the perfect reality check antidote after all the Smith College leftiness.  That class was the one at college that left me feeling at sea. I knew I would never succeed, solely because the professor was brilliant at his arguments and they were the complete opposite of my opinions. But, the guy made me think. And Kant still does.

Kant does not help me clarify my thoughts. But, he is clear enough that after multiple readings, I finally get his drift.

This week may be a clarifying week for me, Kant’s essay aside. I’m heading off to Philadelphia to visit RRC on Wednesday morning. I’m nervous and excited. I’m nervous about the logisitics. I’ve never visited Philly and I literally don’t know where I’m headed. Of course, I’m a pretty savvy traveller and will figure it out before I leave. I’m nervous about the logisitics of getting there late, which will probably happen due to transportation lengths and leaving early. I decided, when booking my flight, on being sane in my expectations. I’m leaving at 9 instead of at 7. And on Saturday, I’m taking a 5PM flight instead of one that arrives at 11PM. I am trying my darndest to stay healthy through this quarter.

I’m excited about finally getting to see this place that I’ve known about for so long. I’m looking forward to seeing some Smith alums (there’s even another prospective who went to smith!) and one of my former co-workers. I’m excited to see another place, even if the schedule looks pretty busy. I’m ripe for a new little adventure. But, moreover, I’m looking forward to seeing what I think: will my thoughts be clarified and/or calmed? I’m hoping so.

 

it’s that oppressive sun

I’ve been back almost a week. I’ve mostly recovered from jet lag, although I’m so exhausted by 9ish at night that I haven’t even finished the four books I got on Monday at the library (this is highly unusual for me). The weather here at home has been cool (we aren’t even hitting 70 degrees today!) and wet. The clouds have been crazy. And I realized that I really love them. No wonder I felt like the sun was oppressive in Israel. There were hardly any clouds and I missed them. Today, they are skating across the sky in giant, stormy clumps. Everything is consistently green. It looks like Wisconsin is going to miss the August grass burnout this year. Which is aesthetically pleasing. I worry, of course, when I read that the ocean is so much warmer this year EVERYWHERE and how that is affecting everything. But here in the middle, we’re abnormally cool.

It’s been hard to get on the road to productivity. Partly because my brain is tired and really just needed to rest. Partly because I get stuck in vacation malaise where I really just enjoy cuddling/playing with the puppy, taking him on walks, and hanging out around the house. Luckily, the action will be picking up again soon.

This weekend there should be some boating with the parents. And next Thursday, my sister and I will be heading up North to go camping (please, please, please don’t rain everday!). We’re planning on a waterfall hunting day trip to UP Michigan. We’ll actually end up near Lake Superior. Our campground is just outside Minoqua, WI, which is the town we’ve been vacationing near for our entire lives. We love that area of North Central, WI. And the National Forest we’re staying in is just great, too. Besides waterfall hunting, we may go kayaking or canoeing. We’ll definitely go swimming and hiking.

After we return, there’s just one short week until Labor Day weekend. We’ll have grandparents visit (Hi grandma!) and then we’ll all be heading to Chicago for a Bar Mitzvah. I’ll be staying on in Chicago afterwards, and at the end of the week, I’ll move into my apartment (yay!). Religious school starts that Sunday. Sadly, summer is nearly over. But, University of Chicago will not begin the year until September 29.

Leaving Israel: a post that meanders

Pardes has ended. Tomorrow, Friday, at midnight, I will fly back to the U.S. I wanted to write a quick post, that will hopefully be bookended on one side with a more reflective post when I have the time and space to reflect.

As many of you know, Israel is not a place I longed to visit. I came here, because of Pardes, somewhat reluctantly. Knowing that I would hate the weather (I’m a northerner through and through). Knowing that the people, the Israelis, would have personalities that would grate against me and offend and possibly even scare me with their aggression. I had no particular sentimental passion about the idea of the “Jewish homeland”, in fact, after the paper I wrote last school year, any seed of Zionist ideology still lurking in my brain was erased by disturbed disgust. (I believe that Israel should exist as a Jewish state, I just don’t identify with Zionism).

When I got here it was hot. The people were aggressive. The apartment I am living in was in a state of filth. And I was tired, still being affected by my newly diagnosed condition (and jet lagged). After six weeks, I’m beginning to see how I will tolerate living here for a year if things (yet unveiled to all) go according the the plan. The assets of a strong Anglo community are great. The body adjusts to the heat (although just barely!). The legs adjust to the hills–a good thing.The eyes adjust to seeing the soldiers with guns and the frum (orthodox) with their long sleeves and various forms of dress.

Pardes itself was just wonderful. I had occasionally spouts of uncomfortable feeling about the orthodox bent that comes with attending a halachically observant institution. But, you find your place. You discover a chevruta (study partner) in your classes that will meld or challenge your belief systems. It’s about discovery and flexibility. I am more aware in ways I think I don’t even understand now. I have an awareness of halakha, of the viewpoint of the Orthodox. And of the challenges of Jews being Jews everywhere in the world because of the great diversity of experience, especially in how that translates to explanation and education of the outside world. I was profoundly affected by learning in a pluralistic community where I felt free to grow and learn without self-consciousness. Sometimes, I felt awkward or weird or guilty about deciding not to daven (pray) in the egalitarian minyan, even though it is not my regular tradition and I feel better having more unstructured time. There were occasions when I felt strange not keeping Shabbat or eating in a non-kosher restaurant, even though I don’t regularly keep shabbat or kosher. So, the pressure was there.

I’m sitting here in my room in the German Colony, Jerusalem both excited to return to Madison, where the Pride fest will be attended on Saturday night and Sunday, where I will not have invitations to Shabbat lunch or seudat shlishi (3rd meal), and curious as to what it will mean to not be in a place where it is assumed that of course everyone will be walking to shul or eating a shabbas meal or lunch or seuda shlishi. Where after Shabbat ends on Saturday night, the streets come alive with families, singles, teens, and seniors. Where you still see small children eating ice cream outside Aldo at midnight. I wonder what that will feel like. Will it feel normal? will there be a feeling of loss?

The most exciting/interesting/lovely aspect of my Jerusalem experience was the people. I met such incredible people. And what I liked most was the lack of pressure. We’d eat dinner or hang out. But, we were all temporary. We all say good bye and if we see each other again, it will be with pleasure. There was such an interesting crowd. I was happy to be a part of them for 6 weeks. And I’m excited to maintain my Chicago friendships, which will hopefully translate into Shabbat dinners and shul hopping around the city.

having it both ways

One of the great things about being here at Pardes in Jerusalem is the insta-community you enter. Much like summer camp, but less intense. We’re in classes a lot, which limits the during-the-day friendship sort of interaction to our 2 breaks–morning and lunch. Instead it’s after school and Shabbat. Shabbat can be intensely busy and social. Some shabbats, I have been to dinner, lunch, and seudat shlishit (third meal, which is usually cold salads). After all that walking (no busses in Jerusalem on Shabbat) and socializing I’m ready for the weekend. But school starts again on Sunday. So, no hypothetical “weekend”. The most weekend you get is on Friday. Friday, though, tends to be a day of cleaning, shopping, and cooking–no matter if you are hosting or providing potluck dishes.

Often, I’ve been able to strike a balance between the social carnival and the quiet independence of being “alone”. Alone is quotes because I’m living with 2 other people in a bedroom the size of my college dormroom. But, I’ve still felt busy and surrounded with people.

This Friday-Saturday has been a perfect combination of alone time and social time. Yesterday, Friday, I ran a few quick errands in the morning before packing a daypack and heading to the Central Bus station. There, I caught a bus to Tel Aviv. I haven’t traveled alone in Israel. And I didn’t have a city map, but I did have a guide book with bus routes penciled in by yours truly.

My destination was the Tel Aviv Art Museum. I first visited this art museum for the first time when I was 13, in Israel on a trip with my grandparents. It was, as far as I remember, the first time I visited an art museum and most certainly, the first time I had seen modern art in a museum. I was wowed. And excited to find art that I liked. As most of you know, this did not cause me to suddenly love art–do art history in college or take up art as a hobby. But, I developed a healthy appreciation that is manifested in occasional art museum visits.

Once again, I truly enjoyed my visit to the museum. Of course, now, I’ve been to several museums in the U S and Europe. However, I felt different about my visit to the TA museum. After suffering through numerous exhibits of crucifixes and Christ iconography and symbolism it was refreshing to leave that behind. The exhibits I saw were all different and interesting, and even historic. I saw an exhibit of art created by Eli Shamir. The series of paintings that I saw were portraits and self portraits of Shamir’s neighbors and family in a small Israeli village. Shamir returned to the village to live after a life away. It was all very beautiful and fascinating. I especially liked when Shamir would create self-portraits of him painting portraits.

My other favorite exhibit was called “Fragmented Mirror: Exhibition of Jewish Artists, Berlin, 1907.” This was a collection of works shown in 1907 in Berlin. My favorite piece was not a work of art but a letter, where someone wrote something to this effect “I am not sure that art created by Jews is Jewish art but I am willing to give you permission to exhibit wherever you wish.” This letter cuts to the crux of a universal problem. What makes something Jewish and what does that mean?  Someone else wrote (on the wall) that the Jewish nose was the expression of emotion in Jewish art in that time. I found that interesting to think about, especially since shortly thereafter (well within the next 40 years) the Jewish nose became a source of negative identity and critical humor.

After my museum visit I had a little trouble figuring out how to get to my next destination. I needed a map. Eventually, though I found the right bus that would take me to Nachalot Benjamin. Nachalot Benjamin is a craft festival that is put on every Tuesday and Friday. It was very very warm there (Tel Aviv is hotter and more humid than Jerusalem). But, it was also fun to walk around a look at what the artists were creating. After a brief visit to the booths (I am not much of a consumer) I found a bus back to the station and took another bus back to Jerusalem. I felt so very independent, making my way around a city without understanding all the street signs (and the bus drivers don’t speak english as well as the ones in Jerusalem). It was also nice to travel without someone else’s complaints, anxieties, and demands. With someone else around, I wouldn’t have stood for 10 minutes examining a bus route map before taking action. But instead, I did, and eventually decided to try the other side of the street. I also couldn’t have made it through the museum without feeling like I was waiting for someone or needing to occasionally explain my actions. It was great!

I arrived home with a few hours to spare before Shabbat. I was glad to have some time to relax and cut the fruit I was contributing to the dinner I planned on attending. And off I went. I left unfolded laundry on my bed figuring that I’d be back at a reasonable hour (in the summer, Shabbat dinners don’t usually begin until after 8). However, after an evening of really interesting and fun conversation, I had one of my latest nights yet: after 2AM. But the conversation was great. I enjoyed the company. In short, I relished the community after a day of independent travel.